Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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