I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
