just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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