Swine flu. Run for my life!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
