I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize