My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
