ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
