im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
