Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
