doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
