Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize