whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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