she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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