Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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