After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
