youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
