We're like a lot better than the average bears
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i believe in u and ur pee
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
