This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
