Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
