Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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