my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
