i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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