i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
