eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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