the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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