I wish I only lived at night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
