how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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