i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
