oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
