if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
