I'm really into asian looking animals
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
