that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize