she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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