Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
P.S. I can't hear my feet
where does the pee come out of this thing
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
