Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
