He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize