I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
