you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
