Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
