3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
