I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
