Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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