Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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