Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
birth control should be required to get into college
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize