it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
