I just cut my nipple shaving
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
