I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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