he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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