I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
