i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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