someone threw a dead crab at me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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