saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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