i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
