Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
