i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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