Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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