I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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