I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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