Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
