I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
