Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
