so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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