I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize