if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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