You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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