i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
