Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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