As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
