We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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