i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
