mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
