If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
