how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
