He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
