i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
well I can't set my house on fire every night
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
