i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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