He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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