Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
don't judge my taste in strippers
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
