Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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